Stopping Abuse on the *New* Homefront

D was 13 years old when she asked me what “domesticated violence” was. I nearly stopped dead in my tracks.

“Do you mean domestic violence, D?”

“I guess, isn’t that why everybody at my mom’s job is wearing purple ribbons on their clothes this week?”

“Probably D, October is domestic violence awareness month…”

I then went on to give her a cursory explanation of domestic violence, and asked her if she understood why awareness was necessary. Her mouth said yes, her eyes said no.

Allow me to digress. I am but one blogerette here at CitS, and I am employed as a teacher’s aide in a Florida middle school. D was a student of mine, who has since gone onto high school. The preceding conversation took place last October. When D asked me about domestic violence, I had two equally strong, yet conflicting instincts. The first was an urge in the pit of my chest to tell her absolutely everything I knew. I wanted to educate her on the legal processes, on statistics, and to share with her my own stories. The second was a physical pull I felt, throughout my entire body, pleading with me to bite my tongue and say as little as possible to answer her question. The latter prevailed.

That evening, while sharing a bottle of wine with a girlfriend, I recounted the story and embraced  the emotions I’d swallowed.  I was angry that I had to choose between educating one of my students on the brutal reality facing so many of her peers, and putting my job at risk. The difficult choice I made a year ago, is one  nearly any school employee faces at some point.

Children in the U.S. spend more time at school and extracurriculars than they do at home, at least during weekdays. They eat at least one of their meals there (more and more are eating breakfast as well) and do the bulk of their socialization inside the confines of school. Whether you want to acknowledge it or not, we as a whole contribute largely to the raising of your child into a productive adult. There – I said it!

We are expected to do so much more in this century than ever before. We are taught the aspects of “Response to Intervention“, in order to identify children that need more support before they fall through the cracks. We are trained in identifying impoverished children so that we may refer them to the school guidance counselors/social worker/campus bleeding heart to provide them with external services. We participate wih local law enforcement to provide D.A.R.E, we hold assemblies about the importance of self-esteem, about kindness towards others, and about bullying’s horrific impact. We identify problem behaviors in students and then formulate Behavior Intervention Plans to correct your child’s behavior. The list of services schools provide is surely longer than I would care to read (not to mention type), yet there is one crucial topic that we are still hesitant to broach; domestic and sexual violence.

I conducted a minor social experiment of my own in the 8th grade world culture class. While speaking to the teacher/students about the ceremonial “pinking” of the white house, I nonchalantly added this (lie) to the teacher;”I hear there is some talk of lighting it up purple this year also, perhaps at the end of the month”.

You would have thought I told her I was thinking about taking up recreational cannibalism.

“SSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! We are NOT going there. I DO NOT want them to overhear you  and start asking questions!”

Though I was stunned by the force she spat those words out with, I got the answer I was anticipating and dreading. Not only was I brushed off–I was shut down. A closer look into my co-worker’s eyes revealed a pained expression, reflected the same feelings I had . “I want to, I agree with you, but I can’t begin to know how without putting my job in jeopardy. It hurts, and I know it”. Ok, maybe I’m talking liberties with this eye chat, but to me that was the message. Clear as day.

So the fundamental question is this: Why The Hell Not???  Why are we not stepping up and saving these kids from learning the hard way? We’ve annonymously polled a group of our readers and asked why you thought schools weren’t teaching DV awareness and prevention lessons. Of the many responses we received, a majority of them were the same. It’s taboo, and way too personal.

Working in the profession that I do, I already know this. Unless you are a employed as a school’s social worker, crossing into the realm of inquiry in regards to a students home life is forbidden territory. This, I believe stems from the longstanding tradition of detachment. Decades ago, it as completely acceptable for a man to do whatever he damn well pleased with his family. Today we have rigid guidelines in which educators can reach out. We are not to ask questions, we are to simply file reports– but if and and only if we are absolutely sure, a problem exists. With the added pressure of being held legally responsible should we not involve authorities, we are placed in quite the predicament. It would be easy if children willfully came forward to tell us specifics.  We would be much better equipped to provide the proper resources.  But most children don’t view abnormalities in their home lives as such, and those who do, don’t view their authority figures as allies.

We at CitS firmly believe that a Domestic Violence education plan could go a long way in changing that. Assemblies are a great way to start, but not enough. Pamphlets need to be made available in offices and classrooms. Lesson plans need to be developed to truly involve the student body. Perhaps the most memorable cause that I partook in, as a high school student was a sexual assault awareness poster campaign.  Something similiar would be perfectly suited to raise awareness of  domestic violence. Middle Schoolers could participate in creativity contests. High schoolers could write letters to local politicians pushing for reform in either their english or social studies classes. Even elementary school children could make posters on the meanings of respect and self-respect.

If you are still on the fence, about education reform, let me provide you with some statistics:

-15.5 Million U.S. children live in families in which partner violence occurred in the past year*

– 7 million U.S. children live in families in which severe partner violence has occurred*

– Witnessing violence between one’s parents or caretakers is the strongest factor of transmitting violent behavior from one generation to the next.*

So how can you get involved? As Edward Bulwer-Lytton put it, “The pen is mightier than the sword.”  Same goes for the keyboard. You can start  by writing a letter to your child’s principal or PTA chair, and encourage others to do the same. If you receive an unsatisfactory response, keep climbing the ladder. Go to the superintendent, the Board of Ed., then onto local legislation if that’s what it takes.

These kids deserve a fighting chance.  Will you fight for them?

For more information on how to get your school and community involved visit http://www.ehow.com/how_2033867_raise-awareness-domestic.html OR http://www.opdv.state.ny.us/public_awareness/goingpurple09.html

Sincerely,

Miss H.

*Source: Center for Disease Control and Prevention